I must admit it: anxiety is my middle name, that’s why I’m always trying to plan ahead what I’m gonna do next week, in the next few months, in the next couple of years, etc. If plan A doesn’t work, I already have -at least- plan B and C.
Before I came to Finland, I gathered all I learned during my time in the US and what I read in hundreds of blogs of people living in this country, and tried to imagine how my time in Turku would be, the things I’d do, the way I’d probably feel….
When I look back and remember the things I thought, I realize how innocent I was. Truth is, things have been a lot different of what I was expecting. In so many ways it has been better, and in some others, it’s definitely tougher.
I thought that being away meant a goodbye to my family at the airport.
So that was it, that’s all I was willing to allow myself to cry and crumble for the fact that I was gonna be oceans apart. Then I realized that two years is a long time, and there are many goodbyes in between.
I’ve mentioned already in previous posts, how lucky I am, and this case is not the exception. Almost as soon as I bought a mattress for my bed, a couple of friends had booked a plane ticket to visit me. That’s how and why I had the best company during Christmas, New Year’s Eve and half of the summer. Their company has kept me sane, focused and motivated. I was able to share with them the precious gem that Turku is for me, and I got company during the coldest days of winter and the warmest days of summer in return.
What started as pure happiness when I knew they were coming, soon enough turned into a great sadness when it was time for them to go back, and there wasn’t plan B or C to help me deal with the feeling.
It would be selfish to believe that I’m the only one feeling that way. I have friends who returned to their countries for Christmas or summer, facing more and more goodbyes, demonstrating how brave they are.
To say goodbye to someone important in your life, it’s heartbreaking, but it’s also the reflection of the love you have. Even for all the tears I’ve cried at airports, busses and train stations in at least two different continents, I’m so grateful.